It wasn’t a dream.

Domestic cat sleeping on her head in the sun

Image via Wikipedia

More like a flash, a little sliver of memory. It was about how Dan’s head looked near the end, with little bald spots showed up on the back of his head from lying in bed all the time. Not just that image. It was about me seeing it, touching it. When I woke up I knew it was true. This was the first thing I’ve dreamed in more than a year.

Probably the chemo was part of the hair loss, but mostly I think it was just the very unusual fact of lying around in bed all day. He was never like that, and never would have been, except that he didn’t have any choice.

Since I got home from work on Sunday, I’ve been sleeping and sleeping. Last week, when people would ask what I was doing for my vacation, I’d say, “I’m going to perform radical acts of staying home, and I’m going to sleep in the sun like a cat.”

It’s true! I didn’t know I had this much sleep in me. Since yesterday, somehow, bills got paid, laundry got hung, a review wrote itself, and numerous chapters continue to find themselves inexplicably revised.

But mostly I remember sleeping, taking a nap, then waking up tq sleep some more.

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